My friend Sean and I had this Peep thing going on in March. He doesn’t like Peeps, so naturally I’ve been posting pictures of myself eating Peeps on his Facebook wall. Here’s how it went. My pics start out kinda lame, but stick with it, his comments are great!
It was just a silly little thing, but kept March interesting.
Sean: I can document your slow decay into madness as the peeps creep into your mind and take over.
The severity has decreased, but there is a marked increase in vision as the subject clearly has either no need for glasses, or has lost the ability to locate even such base necessities.
I fear the madness will become visible in the eyes first, but I hope it can maintain through the month. If the subject can make it that long, it may yet be able to recover.
Sean: Yellow + Pink = Blue. OBVI. Everyone knows that.
Their influence grows… I worry the subject is not aware of their putrefaction creeping through its body like a sickness. Soon I will need to begin worrying for its family – will the peeps’ influence transfer by contact? Can I even save them if it does..?
Friend of Sean: Are the peeps changing her at the genetic level?
Sean: Special Research Assistant Lang, it may be too early to tell. It could simply be the physical manifestation of their taint escaping the body – perhaps the subject will be fine. Perhaps the subject will grow talons and replace its meaty flesh with a terrifyingly fibrous mallow, though.
Only time will expose the cruel machinations of the Peep Empire.
Sean: At least we know you got this one from the garbage (where they belong).
Day 3 and the subject has begun to grow an odd amount of facial hair…. as well as what appear to be a pair of independent extra limbs. Truly, the terror of this beast is beginning to know no bounds.
I know not if its ears have migrated, or if it has procured an extra set. Perhaps it helps with complex echo location of its peep-overlords…
I worry in the depths of my heart that it is too late for the subject.
Sean: Day 6ish.
The subject appears to be influencing the peepulation. There is a chance that they fear being found out and have adapted their color to appease the subject, but I hope against hope that they are changing against their will because the subject is acting out against them.
My hopes are beginning to bud.
Sean: Day 7ish
HOLY CATS AND KITTENS, PEOPLE. The peeps have consumed the subject’s soul. This is the only potential explanation as everyone knows it is the weight of the spirit that keeps humans tethered to Earth.
Or is it perhaps that the subject has consumed the soul of the peep and it is merely her lamprey like attachment to the poor beast that is dragging her up with it…
Does this mean that peeps actually have souls.. and live…
Sean: Day 8:
The subject has become indiscriminate. It will consume peeps regardless of their origin. How they’ve learned to fly I have yet to determine.
That said, she may be pulling them from their world directly to ours. Is it possible the subject is not going mad with their influence, but is, instead, capable of waging war directly with their homeland?
This theory provokes further study.
Sean: Day 9 –
The subject has elevated the monsters to a pedestal above it. From prior observations, it may be ritualistic. Instead of engaging in idolatry, the subject may simply be offering the monster’s life-mallow up to the sugar gods.
I fear to see this saw at the end of the ritual…
I fear, but I cannot look away.
Sean: Day 12 –
The subject appears to have won over the monsters and they have taken it into their confidences. Presumably the panicked expression is due to being caught in the act of betraying her own kind, or at the fear her ruse will be found out by the fluffy overlords.
This is a momentous day – It has been years since I’ve encountered their leadership. Hopefully she will not run into the Red Eyed Devil that is their peeptriarch… It has likely not forgiven me for the years of captivity it suffered at my hands.
We still have your friend. Love, The Peeps.
Sean: Day 14 –
The peeps appear to have placed the subject out of their reach. Clearly this metal, cage-like device is to protect the subject from other peeps. Perhaps this is a religious struggle amongst their peeple?
Clearly they have raised the subject onto a dais. I wonder if their fanatical idolatry will extend to making a mallow representation of the subject. How bizarre…
Why, though, would they opt to gag their object of worship… I shall have to have one of the research assistants look into this further.
Sean: Day 16:
Things have… Changed with the subject. Not two days ago I dispatched a pair of research assistants to retrieve it from the Peeple of the Easter Archipeeplago. I received these images.
It is apparent that the subject has grown into its power as the ruler of the peeps. As is common knowledge, each clan has a Grand Peepbah that resides over it. We can see here that the subject has claimed the heads of each clan chieftain… Each except the most profane of Peeple, the oranges… I fear for mankind if the subject overcomes them as well… I fear for mankind if it does not…
WANTED: Research Assistant. Two positions are available. Must have a lust for adventure, an inquisitive mind, and enjoy tropical climes. Inquire below…
Sean: Day 18:
It appears the subject has firmly exerted its dominance over the peeps. Surprisingly, they appear to be coexisting peacefully, the peepdom having clearly erected an egg line in honor of the subject.
The orange peepulous still worries me, but I am certain that given enough time, the subject may function as humanity’s last hope against the invasion. Only time will tell though. And more time means more papers means more grant money!
Sean: Day 18 – Addendum:
My previous report may have been premature. It is clearly a hostile peace the subject keeps with the peeps. Very likely that is for the best, as one must “Trust No Peep”, as they say.
It is good to see the subject keeping its wits about it. With luck, it will absorb enough power from the rest of the peeps before the orange peepdom comes.
Peep-speed, subject. Peep-speed.